Is this HAPPENING?

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Adoption IS INDEED Happening!

Here is the Story- THE whole truth and NOTHING but the TRUTH!!

We have always wanted to adopt from the time we were married 4 years ago. We never imagined it going this way,but oh how GOD is a great author of our lives! We went on vacation last December/January and at this time our niece and nephew were living with a relative and was in care of the state. We were asked by a relative,” Would you want to adopt some kids?” as we were shocked to be asked such a question we said, “of course WE WOULD!”

That was the second time that was brought up with our niece and nephew. That night we told-I mean prayed and asked God for Him to open the doors if it was what we are to do. Well, We told Him to KICK down doors that needed to open for it to happen. RING RING- 3rd time we are hearing about our niece and nephew…..ONLY a few weeks after coming home from that vacation.

Here is a story for you. It dawned on me that I have been praying for children because I long to be a mother,but I have never prayed for preparation for those children I wanted. One night in my bath..(Yes! I pray in my bubble baths) I cried out to the Lord…..and He has been answering! Literally the next day after with that 3rd phone call and the ball began rolling! We have been up to our necks in preparing for children.

In 2 months it will be a year since we have started this journey to Adoption. There were many months of  delays in getting a home study done, 10 weeks of classes, licensing, and preparing our home for toddlers. Through it all.. It seemed so long,but quick at the same time. When I say things have been quick I am also including God breaking my heart and putting it back together in a better way-the BEST WAY!

Our road was started for our niece and nephew. We have done all of this for them. To adopt them if their parents couldn’t care for them….BUT we went on the KVC website (kvc.org) and learned about all these children who need homes. Children who have been in the foster care system for years!.. Doesn’t that make your heart sink into your gut and you tear up at the thought….“Their whole lives have been from home to home, most have no clue who their parents are, and are just yearning for what I have been blessed with my whole life”

Truth is I didn’t want to adopt older children. I wanted a baby fresh out the womb if I was going to adopt. To me older children have baggage and I certainly can NOT help them. Oh GOD… You ripped my heart to pieces!

One day I don’t know why,but I went on the website by myself one morning while the hubby was at work. I watched MANY videos of these children. Almost all of them stated,” I don’t know how long I have been in foster care” and “I want to be adopted to have someone who loves and cares for me”  AND I just shattered. I cried and I cried.. like snot and all. ” How could I be so picky?” “How can I say I can’t help these older kiddos?” God spoke and I listened,” I take people in at all ages. Age doesn’t matter. They are longing for parents as you are longing for a child.”

Oh How He is RIGHT!! Of course He is Courtney-God does take us in at any age and with any baggage we may have. He cleans us from ALL of our baggage and we are renewed!

Of course when I called my husband over and I was full of snot and heartbroken…. He was delighted. My husband wanted to adopt older children.

God used our niece and nephew to get us going on our Adoption Plan. He used them to prepare us for children. Our home has been rearranged, baby proofed,and examined by a few people 😉 God showed me that older children need me as well,not just babies. JUST TO BE CLEAR: We are still praying and believing for our own biological children! We still have the possibility of adopting our niece and nephew,but we are praying for them to be reunited with their Dad!-That journey is soon beginning for their family-So join us in praying for them!

We are happy to announce, “We are Adopting!”

We are adopting through the Foster Care system! We have had a home study. We are soon to be licensed foster parents. We have more paperwork to go through. We don’t know who we are adopting. We do know that we don’t care what Race or Gender. Our age range will be newborn – 10 years old. We are also okay with adopting  a sibling set of 2!

As we don’t know the many details yet, we do know we may need to purchase new things for rooms especially if we adopt children not in the toddler age.

Be in Prayer for:

  • Our process through this
  • Wisdom
  • Our future children
  • Finances to support things for their rooms if we need to make changes (ex. removing toddler bed for a twin bed)

Thank You for sharing in this Journey with Damian and I. We are blessed to have So MANY people to be praying and supporting us!

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Hello, I’m Back!

Hey All!

Long time no see! I am so sorry about that! See what happened was…

I went on a 2 week vacation back to Louisiana. This meant loading up our vehicle with all our Christmas gifts for family and friends, our luggage,entertainment for the road trip,snacks, Oh and a dog and a cat!!! That’s right a dog and a cat.. Which made a 12.5 hour drive seem like 24 hours long!

We left the day after Christmas! Made it there safely! It was all fun and games,but then.. you realize your lifestyle and everyone around you had a complete opposite lifestyle. It made for the 2 weeks to drag on! So we told ourselves we will never spend 2 weeks with family again unless something unexpected happened!

We enjoyed some company, some food,and the time off from work….

We came back home on a Thursday.. We were not to start working until the Monday so we thought we would have a great long weekend before going back to work…NOT!

We came back to a mess.. No weekend staff(which we were aware of before vacation) then a lot of other issues were going on.. Which lead to having NO STAFF. That’s right..Us working everything substitute staff didn’t cover. So let’s just say it has been a little crazy around here. I know my brain is crazy. I have now accepted that I have to write what I have to do or I will forget. Mainly things dealing with deadlines!

Although, through the mess we are in, there are glimpses of light and blessings we count everyday! 

Here’s a few

  • We opened a Savings account! Mainly to save for a down payment on a home in the next few years. We are also allowing God to guide us with this. So, if we feel God is leading us to help someone financially we will,since he owns it anyway not us!
  • We now have a new sofa,area rug, small entertainment center,upgraded flat screen & PS3! Many might think OMG they are ballin’..haha! We have never owned new things besides what we received as wedding gifts and our guest bedroom bed. Everything else in our entire house has been giving or used. Which we love GoodWill & thrift shops. The fact is that our job is a blessing even on the rough days/weeks. It has allowed us to make more than we ever have, we have paid off debt & continue to (vehicle note), Damian is in school,and so many more to come!
  • For the first time since we have been married or even when we were single we are receiving an income tax refund! Of course it is going into the savings:)
  • We recently learned that we can start paying on Damian’s student loan NOW! We hope he receives grants the remainder of his time in school,but knowing we can pay now so that when we are ready to get a home there will be no debt except our home!

I know I listed my recent blessings, but it is so hard for me to see them on a bad day. A day where I have already worked a 55 hour work week, told staff is coming in from 7a-3p on a day I am originally to have off and turns out they don’t show or call. You then realize I have to work 12 more hours… you through a tantrum because you just want time to yourself. To do what you want… Why not put that tantrum aside and pray. Ask God to give you the strength and energy to endure another day of work and press on.. the prize of a day off or break is coming.. It did for me and Damian.

It was a surprise to get staff this morning. They worked 8a-6p. Enough time for me and Damian to go to church, for me to have a meeting with Women’s Ministry, Damian to finish a paper for school, and to relax and enjoy each other for a short time. It felt good! It was refreshing. It was worth the wait! If we had staff yesterday, I am sure we wouldn’t have had staff today to enjoy our Sabbath day. Our day we really like having off together. Boy, is God good and always on time!

I am so preaching to myself right now. I have been in the dump since we got back from vacation. So upset with everything going on. Wondering why? Why do we have to go through working all these hours and no time off? Why? That darn Why question. We always ask that with everything. We need to just sit, wait, and listen. I am sure we will be getting the answer soon. He is always on time. He is always on our side. He knows what we need. He loves to graciously give. So let’s let him give & continually be thankful!

Is It Just An Ordinary Day?

Hey All! So, as you know from a few weeks back I talked about our vacation coming up and all that we have to do in order to go and feel like everything will be okay while away! THAT VACATION IS HERE! YAY!!!

While the hubby and I are so EXCITED that it is finally here, we feel that today feels like just any other day. Today is Christmas Day!

I am sure we feel like this because we are working. We are doing what we do every day(washing clothes,passing meds,helping with hygiene, etc etc.) Nothing changes at work. Our ladies have set schedules that they are used too. If you try to change them behaviors occur.Another reason it feels like just another day is we all opened gifts early. We can NEVER wait!

We did have a BIG breakfast this morning! Pancakes..Biscuits..Eggs..AND BACON! That helped this morning! Lunch was leftovers! For dinner we are having a Mexican dinner! This is something new for all of us, but so worth it! (we all have been taste testing)

I think it is so hard to feel uplifted on Christmas day when you aren’t around anything you grew up with. Our family isn’t around, The food isn’t around,  and the Christmas routine on how you did things has changed! I know even with getting married that changed how Christmas went. Now being over 800 miles away from family it is really different. We struggle to keep the Christmas spirit!

I noticed today that out of the 5 of us(me,hubby,Ms.A,Ms.M, and Ms.D) we all are not around our families often. They do see their families from time to time or weekly,but it’s not the same. It makes me think about all those who have NO family. It makes me think of all of those in the nursing home. I question if they have felt love at least in the past week? It hits me in the head & heart that I am SO BLESSED. I am blessed to have my husband. I am blessed to have these 3 ladies that we get to show love to every day! I am also VERY BLESSED to be able to see our family so close after the holidays!!

I know it is also that time of  year we begin to have those questions cross our minds..when will the children come? I know the other night I was having a rough time between the pregnancy announcements and not yet expecting. I know I took a hot bubble bath, prayed, and tried to relax. The next morning, from the time I opened my eyes the song,”Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord” by Jeremy Camp kept playing on repeat in my mind. I know it was God all the way!

Soon me and the hubby will do our tradition and watch The Nativity. We will relax & finish packing! We head out early tomorrow and spend the day traveling together with our Simba (cat who will be sedated) and Nash our lap dog!

Hope you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I will not blog while I am on vacation 🙂

Why Santa Isn’t Coming to Town!

In the last few weeks as we have been preparing our home for Christmas, my husband and I have been having a lot of conversation on what we will teach our children when they come.

This post isn’t to shame or upset anyone. It is simply my husband and I’s views on Christmas and how we will raise our children.

As we were talking many questions arose from each of us. I am so glad we had this conversation before rather then after we have children. The first question was the basic,”Will we play Santa?” and “Should we do the whole Santa thing?”

We first looked at our own childhood and what we were raised doing. We learned that both of our families raised us with Santa coming once we went to bed and eventually we figured it out or was told he isn’t real. I grew up being told,”We are going to pay Santa for your gifts!” I should have known, right? I can’t remember how I figured it out or if I was told. I don’t remember if I was devastated or not. What I do know is growing up Christmas was NOT centered around the birth of Jesus.. Therefore that is a big reason why we do not want to do santa.

1. I grew up with Christmas focused on gifts and santa. There was no going to church and just being in awe of the birth of Christ. I now suffer badly with trying to keep my focus on Christ. I have a hard time not worrying about gifts for everyone. I love LOVE to receive gifts(it’s one of my love languages) I also LOVE to give gifts. It’s hard for me to stop,slow down, and focus on why we celebrate Christmas. I don’t want my children to suffer with this.

2. When parents play the role of Santa they are telling their kids that this fictional character flies around the entire world in one night/day and bring gifts to them that they asked for. When parents do this they are setting up their children to believe lies. Parents are lying to their children. Parents teach their children to not lie, yet their parents go on for years lying to their children. This can cause some issues between children and their parents. Children first become devastated that this character isn’t real and that their parents have been lying to them. I don’t know about you,but when trust is broken it is hard to gain back. It also causes questions to come up like “What else did my parents lie to me about?” We really feel that we are to build up our children and build our relationship with our children around love,support,trust,and helping them grow towards Christ. That leads to the next reason.

3.If we lie to our children for years we possibly can ruin any chance of them growing towards Christ. If we lie about santa  at the same time teaching our children about Christ doesn’t that bring confusion. Confusion on “If my parents tell me there is santa then how do I know Christ is real?” They will question which one is real or if either of them are real. We are teaching our children to believe in santa, a fictional character, hoping they will know the real reason for Christmas. Hoping the will focus on Christ as we tell them, “Santa is coming to town tonight!”… They can’t tell what is real or fake. They can’t tell which one their parents may be lying about.

4.We also will never do elf on the shelf. With this other fictional character comes a lot of reasons to ban it from your home as well. Using this elf, we are teaching our children to be good for 1 month because he only comes out in December. Why are we teaching our children that IF they are good they will get a gift. We should be teaching our children that Christ is our gift. God loves us so much He sent His son. He sent him to not only die for our sins,but we receive grace because he died on the cross for us. We receive grace ALL THE TIME! Get this.. WE RECEIVE IT WHEN WE ARE GOOD OR NOT SO GOOD!  I am not saying don’t teach your children responsibility. I am talking about how during Christmas time we tell our children to be good all year long to get gifts. We bring the elf out only during December. We also will not use the elf because let’s face it, isn’t this elf always doing something bad? Isn’t it the parents who place this elf doing bad things while trying to use it saying,”Be good or the elf will tell santa.”  That is a lot of confusion. Why are we using an elf, placing him doing bad things, and saying be good all at the same time?

5. Last but not least.. Not sure if it’s coincidence or not: santa-satan.. I just seen this the other day. I will say it’s God’s way of showing me something I didn’t know. Yes, it’s only letters that may be out of place,but I really think it’s a way to see it as to not do santa. Well all of these reasons tell me not to use santa. Another thing is, as I am writing this post it keeps wanting me to capitalize santa. In my eyes capitalization shows importance, my God is more important to me and my future family then santa ever could be!

I really do hope some of my points help you decide whether to choose to do santa or not. I do NOT pass any judgement on those who choose to do it. Our siblings do it with their children. I just know as a future mom, I want my children to grow towards Christ. I want them to focus on why we celebrate His birth. I want them to know Why Santa Will Never Come to Town!

Have a Merry Christmas!

To Do or Not To Do…

Hey All! I am beyond sorry that it has taken me so long to write another post. I am sure you will forgive me right? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Thank you:)

So,Thanksgiving has passed and I think my clothes are glad. I ate way too much food. I don’t know why I ate until I felt sick?! Why do we do that for Thanksgiving? There was plenty of food that was so delicious for sure. I think I ate sides from Thanksgiving to Sunday morning! Now I feel gross. I will not step on that scale right now that’s for sure!

I am finding it hard to get back into the eating right, drink plenty of water, and exercise routine. I will admit it’s always hard for me to stay on track,but I am far from this routine. I made a plan that I will start with taking my vitamins daily(which I do) and then go to drinking more water daily. It seemed easy to do it step by step. Weird thing is it’s hard for me to drink a lot of water because I feel that I am not thirsty throughout the day. Although I did hear that a lot of times we eat when our body is just telling us that it’s thirsty. I will keep that in mind for sure!

I have now began preparing for Christmas and a 2 week vacation!! I have a long to do list between the two. I have already filled out my Christmas cards and will be sending them out today!! Me and hubby have finished shopping for everyone in the family and each other. I think we finished for each other? Decorations and the tree are up! I have been coordinating 2 weeks worth of food, outings,and staff for the ladies. That’s right, I made a menu, a grocery list, began making a schedule for 2 weeks, and contacting our staff about getting extra hours! It’s a good bit of coordinating,but will give me and the hubby the peace of mind!

This year we will have a Mexican/International Christmas with the ladies! THEN the day after Christmas we begin our 12-14 hour drive down to home..Louisiana! We are excited for this vacation. We are excited to be able to see all of our family since most of them we haven’t seen in a year! We are counting down the days/weeks.. 22 days/3 weeks roughly until we leave! Can I get a WHOOP! WHOOP!

Please forgive me If I am not writing as much as I would like. As you see I am doing a lot these next few weeks. Until next time, Have a very Merry December! Loving this time of year and the meaning of it! Don’t lose sight of that with all of your holiday busyness!

It Never Seems to End

It is always something that needs to get done that leads to more things surfacing to get done.

That happened to me today. I am not sure if I have ever mentioned what I do for a living. Me and the Hubby work together. We care for 3 ladies with disabilities. When I say care I mean we help teach them how to do things on their own. Helping to teach them how to live more independently. It’s not easy. You get behaviors. When I say behaviors that can be anywhere from simply refusing/unwilling to do something to having a tantrum. I will save you from the details of what that is like. Just picture the worst tantrum of anyone you may have experienced and multiply it by 10!

On top of trying to teach them new skills whether it’s hygiene or learning to communicate to us, there is much more involved.We prepare menus/meals with their assistance, We make doctor appointments, We bring them to all appointments, We help clean their home with their assistance(Just think of doing 2 homes housekeeping), We pick up their medications & keep track of when they are given, We grocery shop with them, We shop with them whenever they may need at any given time, We collect data on paper(then plug it into the computer system), We keep track of how many hours they are getting out(mandatory 25 hours a week), We keep up communication among their guardians, We train staff & manage staff(that is a job in itself), We attend meetings & training,We manage finances(4 checkbooks just at their home & we pay their bills),We organize their home as needed, We decorate their home with them for holidays, We help them host parties for the holidays, We manage the home vehicle(oil changes, maintenance checks, Oh and bringing to the shop as needed Ha! it’s in the shop now), We also contact maintenance when something in the home needs to be fixed.

Needless to say we do a lot. Yes, I am able to work with my husband although 2 out of 3 ladies demand his attention because they enjoy him more. I do live right next door. NOT always a good thing. You begin to feel as if you live at work. We work 55 hours a week. We have Saturday & Sundays off BUT are on call all weekend long. We work holidays unless we request off or fall on Saturday or Sunday. My husband is in school on top of working, so our time is limited. Working with your spouse isn’t always spending time with each other. I enjoy it and wouldn’t want to work with anyone else,but our time working isn’t the same as when we are off.

As you see, we have a lot on our shoulders most of the time. If something is going down hill, so are we. My To-Do list began because we will be going on vacation 12/26-1/12- 2 weeks. So we have to make sure all of these things stay in line while we are gone. I am preparing menus/outings/paying bills/updating books/communicating with guardians….. Making sure all is in line so my boss doesn’t go crazy & WE CAN RELAX.. So..

This job doesn’t come with an on and off switch. So I have to prepare as if I was here for those 2 weeks. Ha, I am sure we will get supplement staff that won’t read a line in that well put together folder. Yes, I created a folder with every and anything you can think of! You name it, it’s in there.(where things are located all over the house, ladies routines,outings,menus,how to do things, what silverware the ladies eat with, medication times,important phone numbers)

We formed bonds with our ladies.We kinda actually love them. Yes, if something goes wrong we are the ones that hear the fussing,but more importantly we are responsible. We care for these ladies as if they were our loved ones. If an injury occurs we start running with adrenaline or like a chicken with their head cut off (not a daily occurrence,but has happened). If one happens to choke, again adrenaline runs,but you get emotional & scared(again not a daily occurrence,but has happened). If one is upset and is acting out because they are upset…you get annoyed just like you would if they were your siblings.  We just go into a room or outside to scream and come back in! I am thankful for these ladies. Although,nonverbal(forgot that part huh?) they teach us more and more of what love looks like.

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They never said those words, I Love You, but I know what love looks like. You don’t have to speak it in order for someone to know you love them or they love you. I love this quote by Mark Twain! It’s the tantrum,hitting,pushing you away episode yet grabbing your hand to stay by them! That’s our daily I Love You’s. It melts your heart even though your thinking about the Sour Patch candy commercials!

I may work a lot and only get credit for it from my husband,but I know these ladies are loved. With love comes responsibility. Keeping things organized for them to have a nice time while we are away is our responsibility. With responsibility comes To Do Lists that never cease to end. Just one day at a time. One task marked off each day! Do what you can today. No need to worry about what is left..

Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

Matthew 6:34

So glad I am told to worry one day at a time. Isn’t it true, each day brings enough trouble of its own? I hope you all take comfort in this. Know that it’s okay to not get finished with our To Do Lists. It’s hard to remember that!

Are you all resting in this verse this week?

Learning When You Are Teaching

Have you ever learned something while teaching 3-5 year olds in a Sunday School class? The lessons are already prepared that we are given. My husband is usually the one that goes over it while I am busy getting ready for church. As I sat there teaching with my husband, light bulbs were going off. I normally just get side tracked with the children’s responses to questions,randomness,or funny outbursts. They are hard to avoid or laugh at.

Yesterday’s story/teaching had my antenna’s up and listening. Our story was about Bartimaeus.

46 Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. 47 When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”48 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”49 Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” 50 Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”52 “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

Mark 10:46-52

My first light bulb was, How many times have I let other people shush me? How many times have I allowed the devil to tell me that God wants nothing to do with me and to be quiet. I am just making a bunch of noise with my prayers and request. Or How I allow people to tell me that something must be wrong that is why you do not have children. I listen to those who don’t know my innermost parts. My heart. God hears my cries. He hears my requests and prayers. He knows my desires. He knows that my faith will heal me. I should listen to no one telling me to be quiet or shushing me!

My second light bulb was, What healed Bartimeaus? His faith. Faith is a small word with big impacts. How many times have I let my faith only flicker instead of being a roaring fire? I know having faith is hard, it doesn’t come easy, and takes time to increase. Our faith, My faith can do great things. My faith can Heal me. Bartimeaus was blind all his life, he begged and continue to beg even when those who told him to be quiet. He begged so loudly that Jesus heard him and called him to come. If we allow people, the devil, our current circumstances to cease our cries,how will God ever be able to hear us? We give up too easily. In this day in age everything has to be NOW!.. It doesn’t work that way! Yes, this story seems that his sight was restored instantly, and it may have been. It wasn’t restored until after he had faith. Faith is what keeps us from going from A to B to C.  It’s a progress. It takes time to build your faith.It doesn’t usually come instantly. I am sure Bartimeaus faith took time to build, He was blind for some time.

My conclusion, My revelation is that when we cry out to God we should do so loudly. Being persistent despite what our circumstances,people or the devil tell us. Having faith is what heals us. I also noticed that once he received his sight, he didn’t just leave to continue his day. He followed Jesus. He kept walking in faith. He walked with Jesus after he was healed. After he got what he wanted most!

I am thankful for learning this story with our Sunday School class. Do you cry out despite others telling you to be quiet? I would love to hear your stories of you doing exactly what Bartimeaus did!

Consumed Mind

Have you ever felt like your mind is consumed with thoughts? How about this, Have you only thought Infertility madness all day?

Lately I have been feeling relieved. I feel God has been putting on my heart that my thoughts consume my mind, my day,my week. I don’t know about you, but have you ever felt like you just got sucker punched? When you wake up from your blackout all things feel new? Feel open. Feel light.

I have been feeling as if lights have been going off in my mind lately. I feel as if God is working in me and through me. Opening my eyes to a new perspective on things. It feels GREAT!

From the time I was married(3years ago) my mind was always wrapped around children. When will they come? How can I help conceive them sooner(eating healthier,meds,etc)? Why aren’t we expecting yet? Is it time to take an ovulation test? Oh snap, 1 day late should I take a pregnancy test? Literally all my mind focused on,thought, dreamed of was revolved on children.This robbed me! It robbed me of my first year of marriage. I strongly regret that! Robbed me of having a great time being a newlywed. I never felt like a newlywed!! It robbed me of just having fun on a daily basis. Have you ever experienced this? It doesn’t have to be infertility either. It can be that you are consumed with work,financial struggles,relationships etc. You feel like you are here and going through the motions of everyday life,but your mind isn’t. You miss out on laughs, events,birthdays, and  holidays.. You miss out on A LOT!

Recently, it has been on my heart to just let go. Let go of the thoughts, let go of ovulation tests, tracking cycles, analyzing everything. Oh my, the thoughts of everything is one thing,but the actually analyzation of  charts,ovulation tests,and symptoms is another. Having or doing both literally consumes your life.It wasn’t all I thought about. It also became what I talked about.So not good! It causes stress in all areas of your life. On yourself,with your husband,with work,and other relationships. I am so thankful for finally being set free. Finally being shown what I was doing to myself and to others. What I was doing to God.

Being consumed with these thoughts had me putting God further on the back burner. I was saying I believe and trust Him while my actions and thoughts said otherwise. I literally had no faith! None at all! How can I trust,believe and have faith in God when I am secretly doing all I can to make my dream of being a mother come true. While trying to make my dream come true I would doubt when I didn’t see cervical mucus, positive ovulation test, rise in temperature or any chance of becoming pregnant. My relationship with God was seriously the last thing I thought about or acted on.My eyes were far from Him. That utterly hurt me.

My infertility. My thoughts.My actions.My words. They all became Idols in my life. They replaced God. Replaced my relationship with Him. Replaced my quiet time. Replaced my prayers. Often people don’t think their thoughts can be idols, but if your thoughts are what is taking place of God then it is indeed idols. I recently discovered all of this. I never thought I was replacing God. I never thought I didn’t have faith. I am not sure how all of this is coming to the surface,but I am loving it. I love knowing that my God hasn’t walked out. He hasn’t left me even though my mind tries to tell me He has. Especially when I see absolutely no sign of fertility.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to know what is going on with our bodies and finding out if we do ovulate or don’t. I believe the moment the thoughts and questions step in and begin to consume your mind to the point God/Prayer time/Quiet time is replaced is when the issue begins. I am glad to know that after charting cycles I discovered I do ovulate. I have had positive ovulation tests. I think that is all I needed to know, I shouldn’t have gone on to researching google or asking friends questions every time we spoke or downloading apps on my phone to track everything.

Our human minds always question why. When we get an answer we always follow it again with the why over and over again. Stop analyzing. Stop questioning. Stop putting your infertility before your relationship with God. It’s hard. I finally have been convicted and on the road to fixing and making up for lost time after 3 year of marriage. I often think of all the women in the bible who suffered with infertility. They didn’t have ovulation tests, thermometers,or apps on their phones. Heck did they even know how long an average menstrual cycle was? Therefore, they only had prayer and faith.

Have you been consumed? Was it being consumed with God and things unseen or have you been consumed with idols the things seen?

fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

2 Corinthians 4:18

How important it is to have a Support System

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I don’t know about you,but I always feel more at ease knowing someone else out there has been in my shoes. Someone who is dealing with the same feelings/emotions that come along with this journey. To me having a support is important for me to thrive daily in this world. Feeling alone is the hardest thing to go through. When you are first told something may be wrong or is wrong it’s like the light goes out in the room and it’s just you.

At times I still feel alone. I feel as if I am by myself in a dark room. I feel as if people truly don’t try to understand the feelings,thoughts,heartache,or pain that you go through each month. I understand most people won’t understand,but it hurts when people don’t try to understand. To me there is a difference. Infertility is a battle. It’s pain. It’s agonizing at times. Some people choose to see all of these and some just don’t try. The great thing is: We can build our support system!

Our support system can consist of bible verses we go to on our rough days. A lot of the time it can be having extra prayer time/quiet time with God on those bad days. Or if your like me it’s just needing to hear encouragement from fellow trying to conceive sisters/couples. Sometimes its just someone else praying for you. It can be all of the above!( I need that on really,really, really rough days)

A week or so ago. Hubby & I were at a small group. At the end once everyone left, the couple who are the leaders of the group asked us what we needed prayer for. They said that by a few things we talked about in group it seemed that we were having trouble to conceive and they told us their story of 2 miscarriages before their daughter. As we were explaining the history of us. Someone from group came back and said that God told her to come and pray over us…. WHAT?! Needless to say I am one of those I can’t take spot light. I get red and nervous. I may cry or cry harder if spot light is on me. Well, God thanks for your spotlight! I cried while these 3 people were praying over us..WHY? I have no idea, I wasn’t even having a bad day! We never really had anyone just pray over us, or someone come back because they feel they needed to pray over us. It was all new, yet wonderful. We are thankful for that moment of others praying over us.

Normally my husband,Damian, can tell when something is up. Most of the time he is good at listening and talking it through with me. Normally he says amazing things about me that makes me cry more! Then he prays for me, for us and I normally feel better. Sometimes I just hop into a nice hot bubble bath, light a candle or two,turn the lights off and just spend the whole time relaxing and praying. I know it is strange to some, but baths relax me and my mind stops enough for me to pray.For everything I may have been feeling.For other people.Other things going on and the rest of my busy week!

I like to surround my mind with positive things. Whether it is certain bible verses or positive outcomes of infertility. I love hearing how people waited for years and God blessed them. It really helps me in the waiting and rough time. It helps me keep my mind on, “He is always on time!”

I also try to take time and encourage others going through the same boat as me! I started this blog, not only to encourage and help those through their waiting time,but to help myself. This blog is like an opened diary. It’s my inner thoughts, research and what God has to say about all that I may go through/think/question.

A support system is so important. It helps you feel that it isn’t the end of the world. It helps you feel that you aren’t alone. It helps keep you sane. It builds you up when you are down. We all need encouragement when we can’t give or think of one encouraging thought.

Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

We are told to encourage and build one another up. Oh how I am thankful for all who build me up and helps me keep focus on all God is doing and will do!

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Two are better than one. A support buddy is better than none. If I fall I can count on others to bring me up again. If I don’t have a support pity on me! Do you have a support buddy or system? What is your go to support on those rough days?

My Package Arrived!

Oh how I have been trying to wait so patiently for this package to come in. I felt like a young giddy girl all over again! Ha I had to wait longer because some how my package was sent to the wrong post office! WHAAAA :,(

BUT It came today!!! We had just pulled up after going shopping for the ladies house and it was on our front steps! Oh how I wanted to ditch my husband with unloading the groceries and go straight for the box! He stopped me in my tracks before I could dash. Helped unload & ran next door to get my package!

My sister Aime, treated me so well! First I loved how I had to open a big box to get to a wrapped box and open a smaller one. It was like a treasure hunt! Loved it!

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It was wrapped nicely:) Excuse my mess of a table. Hubby in school and we both work full time.. sorry! lol

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First  I seen were these adorable note cards! Aren’t they awesome!!! I already used one(: This adorable cat on one and different glasses & colors or the other! Love Love them!

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Look how amazing my cup looks! Not only does it have my initial on it,but it is so colorful!! It’s also like 3D lol. It indents/pokes out where some of the artwork is. I love love love LOVE it!

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I had a sweet note sent to me as well, although it was cut off or they didn’t print it all the way! I love my package! Will for sure have coffee tomorrow morning. I hope all you ladies are enjoying receiving and giving within this ministry!